My dad calls his new wife his ‘child bride’ and…
DEAR ABBY: My mother and father have been married for 50 years. My dad remarried a good woman a yr after Mom died. Within two months of assembly her, they have been engaged.
Dad made more than a few missteps, including saying the engagement on Facebook before informing Mom’s sister, inviting the new wife to Mom’s delayed out-of-town memorial service, bragging about his “child bride” (she’s 72, and he’s 82) to the priest at my nephew’s hospice death mattress, ignoring Mom’s needs to have her ashes positioned in a sectarian columbarium quite than scattered in her favourite state park, and other actions that felt like a slap in our faces and disrespect for Mom’s reminiscence. I’ve had therapy over this.
My latest headache is that Dad is continually bragging about his new wife. Every single time I call, he places her on speakerphone, and he has to call her “child bride,” “beloved bride,” “blushing bride,” or one thing else equally revolting. He can’t just call her by her title, which also occurs to be the same title as my mother’s.
The straw that broke the camel’s back for me was when he referred to her as his “lover.” By the best way, she once forgot her estrogen cream on a journey, and I had to ship it to them in a single day. (I can’t imagine I had to ship my stepmom’s intercourse cream!)
Do I’ve the appropriate to ask him to stop calling her bizarre lovey-dovey names and just use her title? These nicknames are a stab in my coronary heart. I’m OK with him being remarried — joyful for him — but it seems like he’s bragging about his capacity to remarry or one thing. It’s gross, and I discover myself afraid to even call him anymore. — YUCK FACTOR IN TEXAS
DEAR YUCK FACTOR: Your father is still in the “honeymoon” section of his marriage, and love has been identified to make people goofy. While it might have been insensitive for you to have been requested to ship estrogen cream to his “lover,” there are other issues that might have been even more embarrassing. You might have been the only individual they may ask. (Imagine how it could have gone over if they’d contacted your aunt.)
It might take another spherical of therapy for you to stop taking your father’s feedback to coronary heart as you’ve got. I’m sure he isn’t being deliberately disrespectful of your mom’s reminiscence. I sincerely hope you’ll avail your self of counseling before you resent your father even more for his happiness.
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DEAR ABBY: When we mail a sympathy card to a grieving good friend many miles away, we often enclose a verify to help finance a memorial to their church or other favored establishment.
Our drawback comes three or more months later, when the verify still hasn’t cleared. What is the socially acceptable approach of reminding them to money the verify short of calling and saying, “Hey, get with the program and cash the check!”? — UNCLEARED IN THE MIDWEST
DEAR UNCLEARED: Contact the individual and say, “I notice that the check I sent for “—-‘s” memorial still hasn’t been cashed.
Did you obtain it, or might it have been misplaced in the mail?” Phrasing it this approach isn’t a breach of etiquette.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also identified as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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