Dear Abby: My boyfriend replaced our dead dog…
DEAR ABBY: I’ve been with my boyfriend for 12 years. We have two youngsters and a third on the best way. Three years in the past, we bought our household a dog, “Astro,” the love of our lives. She handed away three months in the past from heat exhaustion. She was only two years previous. I used to be driving while my boyfriend held her as we drove to the vet. She died before we bought there.
I’m now in grief therapy. I expressed my grief to my boyfriend, and he has expressed his to me. I’m adamant about not wanting another dog. He told me he needed another one, but that I had nothing to fear about for a while — more than probably, a 12 months. I used to be OK with it because I felt it will give me time to grieve.
Well, this past weekend, my boyfriend got here home with a new dog. He didn’t warn me. The new dog seems to be precisely like Astro, the same breed and coloration. I’m heartbroken. I really feel like my trust has been betrayed. I’ve been a wreck ever since, and I don’t suppose I can compromise.
This is a no-win scenario because one of us will end up sad. I’m pondering about ending our relationship over this. Am I being unreasonable or egocentric? — OVERWHELMED IN KANSAS
DEAR OVERWHELMED: You are neither unreasonable nor egocentric. What your boyfriend did was thoughtless and underhanded and confirmed disregard for your emotions. At the very least, you deserve an apology. That dog must be returned to the breeder or rescue from which it got here. However, while I don’t blame you for having second ideas about the connection after this man’s show of insensitivity, after 12 years (and three youngsters), ending the connection could also be impractical.
DEAR ABBY: I’ve been in a relationship for nearly two years with an unimaginable man who makes my coronary heart sing. We are both in our mid-30s. I’ve three youngsters. He has one whom, for lack of better phrases, his own dad and mom co-parent.
We are at the purpose in our relationship where I would like to marry, transfer in together and do the entire household factor. He often says he desires to marry me and desires that life, but “not yet.” When I ask him why, he says, “I wish I knew why. I wish I could snap my fingers and make it something I want to do now.”
His dad and mom are wonderful, but they always come before anybody else. If he had to select proper now, it will be his dad and mom over me or any of the children. I really feel like I’m in a never-ending cycle of “Is he going to?” or “When will he get there?” What ought to I do? We’ve had long and intensive conversations, but I don’t really feel he’s truly making an attempt to “get there.” — WANNABE WIFEY
DEAR WANNABE WIFEY: Your boyfriend clearly likes the established order. After two years, it’s time to offer him the option of {couples} counseling. If he refuses and you still need to take the connection to a increased degree, you’ll have to acknowledge that nothing is probably going to change and act accordingly.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also recognized as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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