Dear Abby: My husband tries to control me when…
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I’ve been married for 40 years and share the same friendships — joint, his and mine. We have camped, hosted events, and traveled with the same pals. My downside is that my husband says I’m not allowed to converse privately with the males in our group unless I first verify with him what I’m speaking about. He also provides me the third degree about my visits with the wives, mainly to discover out if their husbands have been around.
In all our married years, I’ve never given him motive to assume there’s something going on between me and anybody else. I’ve always held him in high regard. I think about him to be any person with honesty and integrity, and I like him wholeheartedly.
Where in the world does he get off attempting to order me around and assume that I can’t ask a query of his pals, or go to with his pals and their wives without asking his permission? This has been a longtime state of affairs between us, and I’m drained of it — nearly to the purpose of leaving him and having fun with what’s left of my life in peace with all sorts of people and relationships. Please help. — PUT IN A CORNER IN OREGON
DEAR PUT: Why didn’t you write to me about this 39 years in the past? Your husband could also be a man with “honesty and integrity,” but he’s also somebody with bottomless insecurities and an insatiable need to control you. I’m shocked it has taken 40 years of this for you to finally say to your self, “Enough!” I’d advocate marriage counseling for the 2 of you, but I severely query his means to change. Counseling for you alone would possibly provide the braveness to draw the road.
DEAR ABBY: After I discovered the braveness to depart my abusive marriage, it has been tough. My household refuses to settle for that a lady may have really abused a man, and they’re very skeptical. Even after my mom and sister attended therapy with me, they still query my honesty, one thing that has never been questioned before. Still, I’ve an wonderful 9-year-old daughter from the wedding. She is an element of the rationale I had to depart her mom: There was no manner I may model acceptance of that abuse after her mom refused to search help. I attempted.
Now, two years later, I’m in a healthy relationship — with another man. While my daughter is overjoyed because he treats both of us nicely, my household continues to assault me, even saying they have been no longer going to converse to me. They say this is why I left my ex, even though it’s not true. (I didn’t anticipate this either.)
My mom, who refuses to discuss to me, not too long ago let me know she needs to take me to court for the fitting to see my daughter. My daughter no longer needs to spend any time with her after seeing how she has handled me. I don’t assume permitting visitation can be in my daughter’s best curiosity. Should I be frightened? — UNRESOLVED IN OHIO
DEAR UNRESOLVED: Not every state has legal guidelines on the books that govern grandparents’ rights. Ohio, where you reside, is one of those that does. Because your query is legal in nature, and you’re rightly frightened, the individual you need to ask can be a lawyer acquainted with household law. I perceive why you’re frightened, and you’ve got my sympathy.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also identified as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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