Exclusive | Gen Z, millennial men faced with…
Like many American men of his technology, Ryan Kessler, 28, is terrified of speaking to ladies.
But it’s not a lack of smarts or swag that makes the one Manhattanite hesitant to strategy ladies out in the wild; it’s the concern of being mistaken as a toxically macho, bone-headed creep.
Kessler told The Post that when making an attempt to win over a potential love curiosity, the last factor he needs is to be thought-about a jerk who makes girls cringe somewhat than swoon with a clumsy pickup line and unwelcome advances.
As a lot as Ryan Kessler (above) needs his fortunately ever after, he told The Post that he finds it difficult to make the first transfer. Courtesy Ryan Kessler
“I never want to make the other person feel uncomfortable, and l want to be respectful,” the cybersecurity analyst told The Post. “Some girls don’t want to be approached at all. So, I’m always trying to err on the side of caution.”
As a end result, Kessler said these days his “interactions with women are very few and far between,” although he’s on the hunt for his fortunately ever after. “I want to find ‘the one.”
Kessler considers himself a good man but still has problem, at occasions, to muster up the braveness to strategy New York ladies at espresso outlets, bookstores or even subway platforms.
“I don’t want to bother them,” the wannabe loverboy said, conceding that he’s not as timid when it comes to making the first transfer on relationship apps, like Bumble or Hinge. Singles are on there to be digitally approached, yet “a lot of the time, in person, [women] are not there to be approached, so it’s kind of odd,” the 28-year-old identified.
Not wanting to come off as pushy is a concern shared by practically half of single men in the U.S. who grapple with “approach anxiety,” per a 2025 report.
Researchers decided that “perceptions of being labeled as ‘creepy’ significantly impacted American men’s willingness to interact with women, and 44% of 1,000 men reported that this fear reduces their likelihood of initiating contact.”
It’s an unlucky development that appears to conflict with what the bulk of single girls truly need. Seventy-seven p.c of ladies between 18 and 30 — and 68% of those between 30 to 40 — hope to “be approached more,” according to the insights.
If something, Liv, a 20-something and part-time Long Islander, has the “utmost respect” for men her age who summon the spirit to appropriately and politely make a pitch for her coronary heart, “because it’s so admirable, in this day and age, to actually have the nerve and the kahunas to go and do that,” she said in a social media clip.
However, men still need to tread calmly when doing so.
“…the problem is, a lot of men pursue women knowing that that woman is not interested in them,” said lifestyle content creator Viv in a trending vid.
“I cannot tell you how many times I had been diplomatic and respectful [while declining a man’s advances], and it has led to me being borderline harassed … I’ve had [men] follow me, I’ve had a man grab me,” she added.
Connell Barrett, a 14-year New York City relationship coach, stands behind how Viv — and most ladies — really feel.
“Respect does not mean retreat. The single, straight man should still lead the dating dance in the courtship phase to a certain extent,” Barrett told The Post. “Women aren’t saying, ‘Don’t come talk to us.’ They’re saying, ‘Don’t objectify, harass or disrespect us.’”
Since rejection is another concern that younger single men face, Barrett, whose clientele largely consists of heteroinappropriate men under 35, suggests they ditch the mental gymnastics of “what if” and instead strategy ladies with grace somewhat than angst.
“Adopt a new mindset. You’re looking for love, which is very human,” he said. “It’s OK to say ‘Hello’ to women out in the world, as long as you do it with the right measure of empathy and charm.”
However, it appears the candy, charming route may not always be the best option, at least according to Grant Greenly, a 24-year-old actor and model, who has taken this strategy — both in-person and on relationship apps like Hinge and Raya — to no avail.
Grant Greenly (above) thinks ladies ought to take over mating duties from men. Courtesy Grant Greenly
Now, the Texas native is totally completed with wooing would-be sweeties altogether.
“I’m never doing it again, and I mean that. I don’t care how it impacts my dating life,” Greenly told The Post. “Approaching women today isn’t worth the hassle.”
For Greenly, the ultimate straw was a current attempt to say, “Hi. How are you?” to a looker who immediately shut him down with a cold, disapproving look, adopted by an “Eww. Who are you?” response from another single girl he tried to chat up at a membership.
“Dating is not like how it was back in the day. Our dads didn’t have to worry about phones and computers warping people’s minds,” he groaned. “Nowadays, guys, including those who aren’t creeps, get posted online as a joke when they ask a girl out on a date.
“There’s this deluded idea that all men are out to get women, no matter what.”
As a end result, the Southwestern gent said if he’s ever going to meet the lady of his desires, she’s going to have to make the first transfer.
“I don’t see anything wrong with the notion that women should approach men for dates,” he said, citing gender equality as the premise of his place. “I know there’s the argument that ‘Men used to go to war.’ But now, women go to war, so why can’t they do the approaching?”
Levi McCachen, 37, backs up this perception, pondering it’s time for ladies to step up to the romantic plate.
“I recently went out, and a woman who wasn’t the type of girl I typically go for opened up a conversation with me. It was great, and I got her number,” McCachen, a stand-up comic and podcaster, told The Post. “I thought it was awesome that she did the approaching.”
Levi McCachen (above) says he’s stopped approaching ladies, leaving himself open to only the daring belles who strategy him while out and about. Levi McCachen
“If you go up and say anything to a guy you think is cute, he’s going to be, like, ‘Holy s—t, this is the boldest woman I ever met in my life,’” added the Canadian.
The skilled humorous man and podcaster reiterated his call to motion online, saying, “Men, we need to stop approaching women altogether. Women, it’s your turn.”
“I was taught that if I walk into a room of 100 women, 99 aren’t going to be into me,” he added. “But one of them can be, and she’ll let me realize it.
“All I have to do is not f—k that up.”
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