My brother-in-law cut off the family — but still…
DEAR ABBY: My husband’s brother, “Hank,” has estranged himself from the family. He’s married with two youngsters but has little to no contact with his mother, dad, stepdad, sister, brother (my husband) or any of his nieces and nephews — besides when he calls his dad and mom asking for money.
On the uncommon events I’ve seen him, his spouse refuses to take part in any family gatherings, dinners or even images. There’s always a string of excuses or apparent lies, and none of us can perceive why they’ve chosen to keep so distant. It’s painful and complicated.
Since turning into half of this family, I’ve watched Hank manipulate conditions to get what he needs. He is extraordinarily persuasive and performs the sufferer effectively. He is caught in a cycle of being unable to keep a job while making an attempt to preserve a lifestyle far past his means.
I do have some sympathy, because it’s clear there are deeper points behind his habits, but the sample of drifting in and out of our lives — particularly my in-laws’ — has grow to be exhausting. They’ve finally reached the level where they’re no longer prepared to give him money, but I fear about the future.
As my in-laws continue to age and doubtlessly grow to be more weak, I concern Hank will discover new methods to take benefit of them. I like them, and it has been painful watching them be used and harm for so many years. Is there something I can do? — CONFLICTED IN MISSOURI
DEAR CONFLICTED: Manipulating older people to get them to fork over money is called elder abuse, and there are legal guidelines against it. Although it might be a bit untimely (as your in-laws are still mentally competent), it couldn’t harm for you and your husband to seek the advice of an attorney who specializes in elder law and talk about your considerations, because crimes like this occur too often.
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DEAR READERS: As anybody who reads “Dear Abby” is aware of, I’ve always harassed the significance of writing thank-you notes. It is now time for me to put pen to paper. I’ve always thought-about you, my readers, to be my associates. Thank you for accepting me as warmly as you always have and thanks for being prepared to share your joys, pains and frustrations with me these many years. Your trust is the biggest honor I’ve ever been given. You have taught me far more life classes than I’ve ever taught you.
I’m now in my thirty ninth yr of penning the “Dear Abby” column, which began on Jan. 9, 1956, written by my late mom, Pauline Phillips. When I started writing it in 1987, I promised myself that when the time got here to retire, I might step apart to live life without a deadline. I’m grateful for the help of my two loyal and ready assistants, Steven Andrews and Jose Fuentes. Please don’t fear about me; my health is okay. I plan to indulge my long-postponed itch to journey.
In the years forward, my column will continue to serve you. It shall be written by a succesful editorial workers. Please want me a completely happy retirement as I open this new chapter of my life.
I like you all. — Jeanne Phillips aka Dear Abby
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also identified as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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