My sons divorce has driven him off the wagon —…
DEAR ABBY: Seven months in the past, my son filed for divorce from his spouse of 22 years. Three months in the past, he launched us to “Carlene.” Abby, the girl has 5 kids with three different males and is at present married to her second husband. (She filed for divorce two months in the past.) She has custody of only two of her kids.
Since Carlene entered the image, my son has been consuming again and doing medication. He has been fired from his job after 17 years. I’ve no want to invite Carlene into my home or my coronary heart. Please advise me about how I can let my son know that I imagine she’s his downfall, and I don’t need any form of relationship with her or her nasty, disrespectful brats. — DECISIVE IN THE EAST
DEAR DECISIVE: You can’t control your grownup son. Do not proclaim to him that Carlene is his downfall and you need nothing to do with her nasty, disrespectful brats. Instead, merely turn out to be less and less accessible. Your habits will ship a message, offered your son sobers up enough to acknowledge it.
P.S. Although you didn’t particularly point out that Carlene is a substance abuser, I’m assuming that, whatever your previously clean son is doing, he and his girlfriend are doing it together. Please don’t blame those children for their dangerous habits, which was never corrected by their mom. None of this is their fault.
DEAR ABBY: My 71-year-old sister is a hoarder. She has always been disorganized and always runs late. She was identified many years in the past with ADHD. Her home is full of unfinished “projects” and issues she intends to recycle.
Family members, myself included, refuse to go inside her home and would doubtless be turned away if we did show up. A definite odor clings to her garments and lingers in my car and home a number of hours after she has left. Her home is a health hazard. I fear she’ll journey over the piles of junk and stacks of bins.
At what level is it my business to intervene? The method I’ve always taken is that it’s her life, her home and if that’s the means she chooses to live, that’s her business. I wouldn’t need her or anybody else telling me how to live in my home. Should I continue to thoughts my own business, or gently method the subject? She’s single and has no children. I’m the only household she has, and I’m afraid that when she passes, I’ll have a home full of junk to deal with. — BURDENED IN INDIANA
DEAR BURDENED: The level at which you need to intervene is when you are feeling her home has turn out to be a health hazard, which you said in your letter. Hoarding is a type of mental sickness. Medication can sometimes help, but only if the hoarder is prepared to admit there’s a drawback.
Rather than get into an argument with your sister over this, it is perhaps better to contact the health division in your metropolis or county and report your considerations. Someone from there can examine if your sister’s hoarding has turn out to be harmful to her health or well-being.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also recognized as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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