Wait, What? Chicken Rights Activists Are a Thing?

Speaking as the man who actually wrote the e-book on the animal rights motion (now sadly outdated – I actually need to replace and re-release it), let me share one factor from expertise:

Those people are nuts.

Of course, there are all sorts of arguments to be made about the very idea of rights, why people have them and animals do not. Animals can (and ought to) have legal protections, but not rights. Why? Because we’re not savages, and most people do not like seeing any animal handled cruelly, which does not preclude eating them. But, back to the animal rights nuts.

Now it appears there’s a subset to the animal rights kooks; now, there are chicken rights kooks. And they’re dedicated enough so that one of them glued himself to the chicken cooler in (of course) a Trader Joe’s.

Chickens rights activist glues himself to the fridge at Trader Joe’s pic.twitter.com/Ca2MU7tpPV

— End Wokeness (@EndWokeness) July 5, 2025

The nutcase glued to the cooler piously introduced:

I’m super-glued right here at Trader Joe’s. I’m asking Trader Joe’s to stop promoting Perdue’s Petalina Poultry, to stop profiting off of struggling.

 He actually put a little pepper on the phrase “suffering,” too, just to show everybody he actually means it.

Another nut used a megaphone to shout:

Chickens deserve medical consideration. Just like us! 

An unintelligible shout adopted, after which the protestors broke into a chant, “Human freedom, animal rights!”

This was, according to the video, at the “original Trader Joe’s,” which might place it in Pasadena, California. Because, of course, it is California.

Now, nothing says “rational discourse” like an fool gluing himself to a show case. I can hear the consumer’s thought processes now: “Oh, gosh, that guy glued himself to the display case. That skinny girl is shouting at me with a megaphone. These sure seem to be people I should take seriously.”

Just kidding. Nobody will probably be satisfied by these acts of lunacy.

X, as traditional, yielded some humorous replies:

Oh no! A Perdue chicken rights activist glued himself to the fridge at Trader Joe’s? Quick—somebody inform Perdue to shut down all operations immediately… a man is caught to the equipment part.

This is how you recognize we’ve reached peak lunacy: poultry efficiency artwork.…

— Radically Right (@RadicallyRight_) July 5, 2025

No, do not call Perdue, and do not call for the janitor with a bottle of tremendous glue solvent. This nut glued himself to the case. Let him sit there as his bladder slowly fills up, distends, and finally releases. In his pants. Messy, but hilarious.

Another poster had the identical concept, and it is labored before:

Lights off…go home !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pic.twitter.com/U12jnXD5F9

— AZPatriotSteve (@AzPatriotMAGA) July 5, 2025

Then there’s this outdated traditional:

pic.twitter.com/Hc2m3ONMmL

— Ray’s Plectrum (@RaysPlectrum) July 5, 2025

Look, no one in the sane world cares what people eat. But we count on the identical in return; if you are a vegan, if you are an animal rights kook, high-quality, but keep it to yourselves. This form of efficiency theater will not persuade anybody anyway, and the nuttier you act, the more injury your own trigger.

And actually, over a chicken? The home chicken has a mind about the dimensions of a BB shot. They are fastidiously bred over lots of of years to be organic machines, with the first function of offering people with sizzling, scrumptious fried chicken, chicken wings, chicken fajitas, and so on. 

See Also: PETA’s Latest Groundhog Day Demand Leaves People Asking If They’re for Real

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My resolution to the man glued to the show case? Leave him there, and make sure that the only food within his attain is buckets of heat, scrumptious fried chicken.

And, of course, now I’m all hungry.

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