Hellish Harry Potter trailer, Colbert writing…
One week in the past, “Project Hail Mary” gave us a motive to hope.
Taking a strong $80.5 million, Amazon’s wildly entertaining science-fiction movie starring Ryan Gosling loved the largest non-sequel opening weekend since “Oppenheimer” method back in summer season 2023.
Rejoice! Here’s financial proof that audiences are craving new tales and sensible writing — not just more lazy franchise regurgitation.
“Harry Potter” begins on HBO Max at Christmas. Photographed by Aidan Monaghan /
See? People reply better to real, tactile units and creatures instead of Chris Pratt yukking it up in entrance of a inexperienced screen.
More than something, ticket patrons need blockbusters with soul instead of thinly veiled company makes an attempt at appeasing shareholders. (“Don’t worry, guys! ‘Toy Story 12’ is on the way!”).
For film lovers, “Project Hail Mary”’s sudden triumph introduced about that rarest of emotions: optimism.
But by Monday, Hollywood said, “Show’s over! Back to the crap!”
The past seven days have been a showbiz desperate-a-thon — from the release of hideous, nostalgia-bait movie trailers attempting to lull unhappy millennials back into the womb to the announcement that a long-suffering fantasy franchise will probably be propped up by a fired late-night host.
One of these creativity-free initiatives would possibly mindbogglingly last until the yr 2041.
That’s “Harry Potter,” Warner Bros. and HBO’s wholly pointless, seven-season TV collection that begins this Christmas.
HBO honcho Casey Bloys says it’s unlikely each group of episodes will come out on an annual foundation. So, when this throwback to my youth ends, I might be 51.
The bleak and miserable trailer for the first season, based off of the e book “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone,” was revealed Thursday to hilarious scorn and mockery.
“The budget didn’t allow for colors?,” wrote one X person who’s gunning for my job. Many others in contrast the sullen look, which is a cheaper, barely off model of the movies’ aesthetic, to AI. The takeaway is: Seek magic elsewhere.
“Harry Potter” might run as long as 14 years. Photographed by Aidan Monaghan/H
Those films, by the way in which, are still massively in style on HBO Max. The first one was seen 40 million instances on the streaming service in 2024, reaching about 20% of subscribers. The big-screen collection isn’t seen as quaint or dated. So, why remake it?
Despondency and need. The “Game of Thrones” spin-off “House of the Dragon” has only two more seasons left and hungry, hungry HBO is on the hunt for its next sure factor. Preferably a well-established factor with reams of shopper data that reveals depressed millennials will watch it over and over again while scarfing down pints of Ben & Jerry’s.
It’s as if somebody put up a signal at HBO with the phrase “No risk, no reward” and crossed out the second half.
And the very same amended poster is on the partitions over at Disney, which dropped its “Moana” remake trailer on Monday.
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson was mocked online for his wig in the “Moana” trailer. Walt Disney Studios Canada/YouTube
Fans derided this one online because Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, reprising his position as the Hawaiian demigod Maui, was given a curly wig that makes him appear to be a brunette Bette Midler in “Beaches.”
They’re proper. But this entire rotten enterprise hasn’t gotten any wind beneath its wings.
I hate Diz’s live-action copies. Not a single one has been as half good as the unique cartoon. But at least when the pattern began with “Beauty and the Beast” and “The Lion King” there was a novelty and sense of event.
Now their function as an simple company money grab is dispiritingly apparent.
And they’ve just about run out of stock. We’re down to the B-titles like last yr’s “Lilo & Stitch.” “Moana” is only ten years previous and Disney is already duplicating it to pay the payments. Pretty soon they’ll be remaking the remakes.
Stephen Colbert will write a new untitled “Lord of the Rings” movie. CBS via Getty Images
Strangest and most brow-raising of all last week was Wednesday’s announcement that a new “Lord of the Rings” movie will probably be written by… Stephen Colbert?
Yes, the CBS “Late Show” host who will probably be out of a job in in May is penning the screenplay of another Middle Earth film for Warner Bros. with his son. He’s apparently a big J.R.R. Tolkien fan, which tracks.
The world is in denial about this franchise. Say it with me: The last good “Lord of the Rings” something got here out 23 years in the past!
The “Hobbit” trilogy was dreadful. I attempt giving those films another go every few years only to wind up having the best evening’s sleep of my life.
The last good “Lord of the Rings” product was the film “Return of the King” 23 years in the past. New Line Productions 2002
Amazon’s “Rings of Power” streaming collection that they dropped a cool billion on is notoriously wretched.
The animated film “The War of the Rohirrim” holds a 49% on RottenTomatoes and grossed an embarrassing $20 million worldwide.
And Andy Serkis will soon direct and star in “The Lord of the Rings: The Hunt for Gollum.” In it, apparently Aragorn, effectively, hunts for Gollum. Not precisely an epic battle between the forces of good and evil, that.
They keep going back to a effectively that’s drier than Death Valley.
And now this limping, exhausted IP will probably be rescued by Stephen Colbert? Please.
What a week. Hollywood wants to say ten “Hail Mary”s.
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