Dear Abby: Other kids want nothing to do with my…
DEAR ABBY: My ex, “Hank,” and I’ve two sons together. Both are good, sort, college-educated, hardworking and unbiased younger adults.
Hank is estranged from our youthful son, “Andrew.” Andrew may never live up to his father’s expectations. This is one of the explanations I fell out of love with my husband.
He would provoke a verbal confrontation with Andrew and say issues like, “You are not my son.” Later, he’d make clear that he meant Andrew doesn’t act like his older brother does. Another instance: “You didn’t call me last week, so I’m not going to help you out today.”
It has been painful to watch as a mother, and for a youngster to expertise. The one blessing is that both boys love each other.
I imagine kids ought to know they’re cherished by their mother and father. They ought to NOT have to frequently show they’re worthy of their guardian’s love. It crushes me that Andrew doesn’t have a father he can rely on to be there for him unconditionally.
Andrew had emergency surgical procedure this week, and Hank never bothered to verify in to ask how he was doing.
We have tried therapy. Is there the rest that would help with the estrangement between a father and a son? — MOM WHO MUST ALSO BE DAD
DEAR MOM: What a unhappy letter, and what a poor excuse for a husband and father. Your ex-husband engineered the estrangement, and nothing you or Andrew can do will repair it.
You didn’t point out how Andrew’s lack of a healthy relationship with his father has affected him. Was the therapy that was tried household therapy? Marriage counseling for you and your ex? Individual therapy for your son?
It’s doable that a licensed mental health skilled would possibly help Andrew come to phrases with the years of emotional neglect he has suffered, but only if he agrees he wants it.
DEAR ABBY: I’m a 36-year-old lady from Pakistan. I read your advice with great curiosity.
Since childhood, it was always onerous for me to make pals. People who I appreciated I pushed onerous to be pals with, but I assume I got here across as too clingy. I’m the one who initiates most contact with my old skool pals.
Now I see the same factor taking place with my 7-year-old son. When his cousins or my cousins’ kids come and he performs with them, he desires to preserve friendships with them through video calls, voice messages, and so forth.
I can see that the other kids and their mother and father aren’t as in sustaining friendships, including my brother and his daughter.
My son is delicate like I used to be. How do I clarify to him that he shouldn’t anticipate everybody to be his buddy without giving him the impression that “nobody cares”? — SAD MOM IN PAKISTAN
DEAR SAD MOM: Friendships have to evolve naturally. Often this occurs through shared pursuits. What is your son in? Is he concerned in sports activities or other actions exterior of college?
While it’s true that no one can “expect” others to be close pals, relationships type as a outcome of publicity to a selection of actions and people.
Your worry that your son will end up to have the same social difficulties that you do could also be groundless. He could need publicity to more kids than he has had in order to discover his manner socially.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also recognized as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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