Do I need to attend my cousins sons wedding ceremony?…
DEAR ABBY: My cousin’s son, “Troy,” is being married in eight months. I just acquired the “save the date,” and I’m making an attempt to determine whether or not to attend. The wedding ceremony is out of state, requiring journey and a lodge. Troy and I haven’t spoken in years.
He has never shown an curiosity in getting to know me. The last communication I had with him was a thank-you notice for his high faculty commencement reward eight years in the past. Once, when Troy, his brother and his mom have been supposed to spend a day or two visiting me while on trip, they determined at the last minute to go to other kin in California.
And last 12 months, when the household was supposed to come for Thanksgiving, they rented an Airbnb close to my home, and then everybody made plans to do issues without me. Needless to say, I was stunned to obtain his “save the date.”
Must I attend? Should I attend? Should I ship a reward, or merely convey my best needs for a blissful marriage, like I would to any other stranger or acquaintance? — BAFFLED IN ARIZONA
DEAR BAFFLED: Because relations with this department of the household are so distant, I don’t suppose you need to go to the expense of touring to be there. However, the well mannered factor to do to keep some type of household connection could be to ship a reward to the blissful couple, along with a card conveying your good needs. (My instinct tells me you doubtless gained’t obtain an acknowledgement for your generosity, so don’t be dissatisfied.)
DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law, “Nancy,” and my spouse have a strained relationship, but they love each other and speak often. Every so often, Nancy turns into abusive with my spouse. The ire stems from a messy divorce Nancy went through 15 years in the past.
We have traveled to see Nancy’s son (our nephew), who lives with her ex, “Jim.” While we’re there, we see them both and take pleasure in some high quality time together. This aggravates Nancy, who feels that because (in her opinion) Jim was solely accountable for the divorce, we’re disrespecting her by visiting him.
I suppose she ought to perceive that we developed a relationship with him during their marriage.
We love Nancy, but we really feel we’re entitled to keep the connection with her ex. Are we unsuitable? Must we select a facet since she is so hateful toward him? — WRONG SIDE IN TEXAS
DEAR WRONG SIDE: Nancy is damage and bitter that Jim left her, as effectively as possessive of you and her sister. Time has not mellowed her. You will not be unsuitable to keep a relationship with your former brother-in-law.
As adults, you and your spouse are entitled to have a relationship with anybody you want. (It is also comprehensible that you’d need to keep a relationship with your nephew.) That said, however, it will appear prudent for the 2 of you to disclose less to Nancy about your travels because she is so delicate and emotional about it.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also recognized as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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