My children have no respect for me after borrowing…
DEAR ABBY: I have grown children, grandchildren and a great-grandchild. I don’t know if they assume I’m senile, but they appear to assume I must cater to their every whim. Most of them are self-centered, pondering only of themselves. They borrow money from me, and sometimes I allow them to know it’s a loan. Other instances I give it to them and inform them that it’s a reward. Loans are to be paid back. When it’s given to you, it’s yours.
One daughter, “Marie,” borrowed a large sum of money and agreed to repay it in installments. She paid me back a portion of the money I had loaned her. When the next installment was due, she claimed her first fee was thrice more than it had been. When I called her on it, she insisted she had given the upper quantity.
I like all my household, but I don’t intend for anybody to play me. Marie has given me no additional funds, and the borrowing has stopped. When Marie tried to get in my face and discuss down to me, my spouse of 30 years let her know she wasn’t to discuss to me that approach.
Since then, Marie has stopped talking to us and has accused my spouse of blocking her electronic mail, calls and texts. (That didn’t occur; I blocked them.) I just can’t see how a grown baby may deal with her dad and mom the best way we have been handled. I’m deeply damage, and I can’t appear to get past it. Your ideas? — OLD MAN IN THE MOUNTAINS
DEAR OLD MAN: Your damage is comprehensible. Not only is your self-entitled daughter a deadbeat, but she’s also disrespectful. You handled her with kindness, and not only did she not repay the money you loaned her, but she attacked you verbally. I hope your other offspring have more character. That said, I don’t assume blocking Marie’s potential to contact you was a smart choice. She may need to apologize in the future, and you have been stopping that risk.
DEAR ABBY: My spouse of 10 years has requested for a separation. She is set on divorce. She feels that, during the last 4 years since we had children (2 and 4 years outdated), I have “chipped away at her self-esteem and self-worth.”
During the past two months since our initial dialog, I have began seeing a therapist, gone on antidepressants and joined an empathy group session for males. I now see the damage and pain I triggered due to my untreated depression and detrimental self-image, and I have dedicated to change and save our marriage.
I stood by her and supported her through a major depression episode a 12 months in the past, and now she needs out. I’m still in love with her, but she says that while she’ll always love me, she is no longer in love with me. I’m working on giving her space to heal. What else can I do? — DISAPPOINTED HUSBAND IN MAINE
DEAR HUSBAND: Ask your spouse if she would agree to {couples} counseling with a licensed marriage and household therapist. Remind her that there are children concerned, and even if the counseling isn’t profitable in therapeutic your marriage, it may benefit all of you in the divorce course of and past. Whether it’s going to end result in you and your spouse reuniting is anybody’s guess, but it might improve your relationship later.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also recognized as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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