My husband had an affair with my sister — now…
DEAR ABBY: My late husband and I have been married 38 years when we finally went to marriage counseling. I discovered then that he had slept with my sister early in our marriage. I had suspected he’d also had an affair with his uncle’s spouse. (They have been very close in age.) This, too, was confirmed in counseling.
My sister was lately home because of our mother’s health, and it was a battle to be in the identical hospital room with her. As far as the opposite gal, there are a few occasional household get-togethers, which I keep away from because of her.
I need help. How do I deal with this after all these years? — NOT OVER IT YET
DEAR NOT OVER IT: Take back your life. You don’t have anything to be embarrassed about. Tell your sister and the opposite lady that you recognize they slept with your husband. And at the next household get-together, inform the remainder of your family members why you prevented all those earlier get-togethers so they don’t suppose they have been the explanation.
DEAR ABBY: There’s a lady at work I’m drawn to, but I’m drained of getting turned down. She’s very talkative with me and asks me tons of questions, but when I’ve come on to her, I’m rebuffed. She says she has a boyfriend. I’m not sure why she’s so pleasant with me, but I really feel I’m getting blended messages.
In our job, we often have to work facet by facet, and when that occurs, I’m conflicted about whether or not to open up or shut down. Maybe I ought to ask if she still has a boyfriend and, if she does, talk about the duty at hand. The idle chatting is changing into uncomfortable, because I would like one thing more. What’s the best course of motion? — NEXT TO HER IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR NEXT TO HER: Asking her again if she still has a boyfriend wouldn’t be out of line. However, if her reply is yes, neglect about something more than a cordial work relationship because not every attraction is mutual. Concentrate on work while you’re there, and look elsewhere for romance after hours.
DEAR ABBY: I dated this woman for three months. She needed to wait to commit to a relationship before having intercourse. We had restricted time to see each different — Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays. We would exit and return to her place and be very passionate, although we didn’t have intercourse because of her spiritual beliefs.
She has now determined not to pursue a relationship with me because she didn’t really feel the “flame” of a connection with me. After all this kissing, hugging and getting close to intercourse at instances, how might she really feel this approach? Was I performed? — TOTALLY CONFUSED IN TEXAS
DEAR CONFUSED: Give the woman marks for being trustworthy if she couldn’t return your ardor. Depending upon what she was getting from the connection in addition to kissing, hugging and ardour, whether or not you have been performed is a query only you’ll be able to reply.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also recognized as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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