My husband wont stop competing against me…
DEAR ABBY: Whenever my accomplice and I share errands or duties, he never fails to remark on how a lot time and effort each of us places into the project. He says issues like, “You said it would only be an hour, but you took an hour and a half,” or, “You said you’d take a five-minute break and you took a half-hour.” When I reply, he replies, “I’m not complaining about it. I’m just telling you.” When I get upset, he accuses me of “getting defensive” or says he “doesn’t like how I’m treating him because he doesn’t treat me that way.”
Why do you assume he feels it’s OK to make seemingly damaging feedback about my efforts and then inform me “it is no big deal” or he’s “just making an observation”? How ought to I reply to his evaluations of me? — DOING MY BEST IN ILLINOIS
Dear Abby advises a lady who’s husband is continually competing against her. Delmaine Donson/peopleimages.com – stock.adobe.com
DEAR DOING: My goodness. It virtually looks like your accomplice never leaves the home without his stopwatch. The next time he does it, your response must be, “That’s it. Now I’M making an observation. What you’re doing IS a big deal. It is passive-aggressive. We need couples counseling NOW because it could ruin our relationship.” Then schedule an appointment and, if your accomplice refuses to go with you, go alone, because when you do, you’ll gain insight.
DEAR ABBY: I used to be married for 20 years to a man who slowly remoted me from mates and household until I had no one but him to rely on. Now 49 and divorced, I’m without close mates. For the last two years, I’ve been actively making an attempt to construct connections. I’m going to church and volunteer, rent a plot at the group garden to meet other gardeners, attend occasions at the local library, chat with distributors at the farmers market and know all my neighbors by identify. People are pleasant, and I’m effectively appreciated, but I’m still alone every Friday night time.
It looks like everybody I meet is either too busy or too wrapped up in their own lives to make room for a new pal. If this had been just taking place to me, I’d chalk it up to my age or stage in life. But my sons, who are 18 and 20, are struggling to discover significant friendships too. Is this just how the world is now? Where have all the friendships gone? — FRIENDLESS IN SOUTH CAROLINA
DEAR FRIENDLESS: Bear in thoughts that friendships are normally constructed over time and common curiosity. Have you tried inviting any of these church or gardening acquaintances over on a weekend night time? Have you mentioned this with your spiritual adviser? If you haven’t, that’s what I’d advocate.
As to your sons and their socialization drawback, assuming they’re persevering with their training, counsel they turn into lively in sports activities or particular curiosity golf equipment on campus. If that fails, they need to speak to a counselor and ask how they’ll better combine themselves into the scholar physique.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also identified as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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