My wife wants to have a third baby at 40 and will…
A man has vented to an online discussion board, looking for advice after his wife threatened divorce if he didn’t give her a third youngster.
The 40-year-old defined that he and his wife, 39, had been collectively for a few years and already had two high-school-aged kids collectively.
“Kids are healthy, happy and in high school. My wife has decided she wants another baby and is willing to divorce over it if I refuse,” he mentioned. “I had a vasectomy after our second because we were only ever having two.”
“How do I resolve this and save my marriage?”
The 40-year-old defined that he and his wife, 39, had been collectively for a few years and already had two high-school-aged kids collectively. JustLife – stock.adobe.com
He revealed that the pair are in {couples} counseling, but it’s only for one hour every fortnight, and they fail to make any type of progress or settlement outdoors of the classes.
The dad says he suspects this might be a midlife disaster for her, as she’s instantly straying from what they’d beforehand agreed upon.
“When my youngest is done high school in four years we will be able to retire and live very comfortably without children. We have been working on that plan for 15 years, but now my wife thinks we can afford another baby and should have one.”
He concludes: “I’m 100% completed having children. I really like those I have, but I’m good.
“How do I resolve this and save my marriage?”
“Just listen to her”
The dad says he suspects this might be a midlife disaster for her, as she’s instantly straying from what they’d beforehand agreed upon. Prostock-studio – stock.adobe.com
Readers have been torn, with many saying that they felt for the dad-of-two and his want to stick to the unique plan.
One consumer advised, “Sometimes, when neither can agree, just feeling listened to is what can resolve the battle. Find questions to ask her about why she wants this, and actually pay attention.
“Find out what the exact need is she will be fulfilling. Feel her pain with her. You don’t have to agree. Don’t try to find other solutions yet. She might need to grieve the end of motherhood. It’s her journey, not yours. Soothe her. Hold her. Listen to her. I don’t know what her love language is, but throw that in as well.”
“Being 40ish, retired and single doesn’t sound too bad”
Readers have been torn, with many saying that they felt for the dad-of-two and his want to stick to the unique plan. NDABCREATIVITY – stock.adobe.com
Then a mother who went through a comparable factor shared her two cents: “I had a very intense urge to have one other baby final yr with my husband too. He has also had a vasectomy and is mid 40s. He had no curiosity in having one other one at all and laughed it off at first.
“I introduced it up repeatedly because it stored nagging at me and I didn’t need to have any regrets. He finally noticed how important it was to me and I actually, actually appreciated him listening to me out and taking my want significantly. That’s how I used to be in a position to let it go.
“Without having truly entertained the idea of what it would look like for us financially, medically, etc. I wouldn’t have been able to just let it go. It was a super strong desire…I’m guessing due to my hormones telling me it was my last good chance or something.”
He revealed that the pair are in {couples} counseling, but it’s only for one hour every fortnight. Leonid – stock.adobe.com
Another commenter didn’t mince their phrases and informed him he was “fully in his right to say no to another kid.”
They added: “Add the layer of needing to both reverse your vasectomy (which might not actually work) and find out if your wife is able to have another child due to very few eggs at her age. It’s not like even if you agreed it’s definitely able to happen.”
“Also, ask her if she is prepared to raise another kid for the next 18 years. If she’s 40 now and she has another child she will be raising it until she’s almost 60. There’s a big difference in energy from 40 to 60.”
Then one man egged him on, replying, “I would say you start figuring out what to do after the divorce. Being 40ish, retired and single doesn’t sound too bad.”
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