Should I tell my son the truth about his beloved…
DEAR ABBY: I am the mom of a lovely 30-year-old son, “Caleb,” who’s married, employed and joyful. We have a close relationship, and he thinks Mom and Dad (married 35 years) are superior. He was also close to his “perfect” grandma, who died not too long ago. He adored her, and she liked and spoiled him.
What he doesn’t know is Grandma was a horrific dad or mum who left my cold, heartless dad to marry another man, breaking up the household. Mom pushed me to graduate from high college early, forcing me into faculty when I wasn’t ready. I failed, and then she pushed me into a marriage at 20 to an abusive man so she might be alone with her new hubby. I divorced after two years of beatings, which she knew about before the wedding ceremony. She was manipulative and egocentric even into her last days, which Caleb never noticed.
Now Caleb desires me to do one of those “Mom, Tell Me About Your Life” books. I don’t know what to say. Telling him I was beforehand married will probably be a jolt, but the “why” questions will probably be harder. I don’t need to lie, but I also don’t need to spoil his image of his grandma. My husband says I ought to tell him only the fundamentals, but I really feel that could be a lie of omission. How do I proceed? — TROUBLED PAST
DEAR TROUBLED PAST: I’m sorry for the loss of your mom, even though you weren’t on good phrases. Caleb is previous enough to perceive your causes for not wanting to take part in his project. Tell him you and your mother didn’t always get along, and you’d favor to spare him the disagreeable particulars. If he persists, add that these reminiscences are painful and you don’t care to relive them.
DEAR ABBY: I thought I was having a personal dialog with my husband on my daughter’s porch. My daughter overheard some adverse feedback I made about her through her new home security system and was extraordinarily harm.
I have apologized and told her it wasn’t meant for her to hear. I’m forgetful at 77, and I forgot she had told me about her new security system. We’ve had no contact since, even though I’ve despatched birthday playing cards. She has no youngsters but satisfied her sister and her sister’s youngsters to no longer have contact with us. What can I do? — BIG MOUTH IN GEORGIA
DEAR BIG MOUTH: I’m sorry you didn’t point out what you said that brought about you and your husband to develop into estranged from your youngsters and grandchildren. Why you felt it was crucial to communicate disparagingly about your daughter in her own home is puzzling, unless your relationship with her was strained to start with.
You can apologize repeatedly for hurting her emotions, but there’s no guarantee she is going to settle for it. In the future, instead of opening your mouth, keep in mind the phrases of Benjamin Franklin, who said, “I will speak ill of no man, and speak all the good I know of everybody.” Especially household.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren. For almost 4 a long time, Jeanne Phillips penned this column, which was based in 1956 by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 270135, Kansas City, MO 64127.
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