The horror franchises worst movie in 30 years…
movie review
SCREAM 7
Running time: 114 minutes. Rated R (strong bloody violence, gore, and language.) In theaters.
In the center of the stupefyingly dangerous seventh “Scream” movie, Sidney Prescott asks her daughter’s boyfriend, “Do you know anything about AI?”
Oh, I screamed all proper.
Noooo! Anything but another slapdash horror movie with a lazy plot that hinges on artificial intelligence!
But that’s all “Scream 7” is — the same previous regurgitated slasher mush Hamburger Helper’d with a sprint of AI. It’s a near-lethal dose of nostalgia to anesthetize unhappy, unhappy millennials.
The performing, even by the requirements of the formulaic “killer on the loose” style, is anemic. Neve Campbell again coasts on the fumes of dwindling affection as Sid. And Isabel May, as Sidney’s personality-free child Tatum, is a Jennifer Lawrence without the spark. Call her OK-Law.
Isabel May performs Sidney’s daughter, Tatum, in “Scream 7.” AP
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Both seem to have ready for gory stabbing scenes and intense peril by taking a bubble tub and sipping chamomile tea. Even the basic jump-scares don’t work. There are more horrifying Enya songs.
And at the end when we discover out who Ghostface is — an more and more random reveal I ended caring about 20 years in the past — the expressed motive is so garbled and nonsensical that the villain truly loses their prepare of thought mid-speech.
That telling mental hiccup seems to be a metaphor for this whole overstretched collection that misplaced its means ages in the past after it grew to become the goal of its own mockery and has been caught repeating itself.
Bland “7” stands as the worst chapter in the 30-year-old franchise, which ought to have been killed off already.
Alas, unique author Kevin Williamson has returned to reclaim his child after the duo of reboot movies starring Jenna Ortega and Melissa Barrera he was uninvolved with. Those weren’t any good either, but at least they’d pep.
Neve Campbell is back as Sidney Prescott. AP
Williamson, whose only new thought is “um, Chat GPT!,” borrows the model of director David Gordon Green’s excellent “Halloween” reboot trilogy besides with an uncommon twist — it’s boring and low cost.
Sidney turns into an older-and-wiser Laurie Strode kind who must defend her spawn against her mortal enemy.
Of course, Sidney’s never-ending tiff with Ghostface is slightly less compelling than that of Laurie and Michael Myers, contemplating that Ghostface may be just about anyone with a grievance who drops by a costume store. In fact, the masked loser hasn’t been freaky in perpetually.
Sid and fam now live in fairly Pine Grove, Indiana, where she runs a espresso store. However, she’s far from nameless. The girl is still mercilessly hounded by true-crime followers.
The reveal of Ghostface is very horrible. AP
The rise of real murders as leisure is just one longtime pattern Williams is awkwardly late to.
The opening slaying takes place at a novelty Airbnb that’s been made to seem like the home from the “Stab” motion pictures. Yawn.
And Sidney’s husband Mark (Joel McHale), the local police chief, earnestly asks, “Isn’t Ben a computer junkie?” as though in 2026 PCs are mysterious new innovations.
What’s Tatum’s deal? Well, she performs a canine in the varsity play and might be the sole member of Gen Z who has a Duran Duran poster hanging in her bed room.
She soon has a view to a kill.
Courteney Cox’s Gale Weathers arrives in Pine Grove, Indiana. AP
Sidney will get the same old ring from Ghostface and within minutes Tatum’s castmate from the high-school play is sliced from top to backside as her intestines cascade onto the stage.
“We don’t even have an understudy!” bemoans the drama instructor.
Williamson drops lame jokes like that in all the flawed locations, and I can’t recall a less humorous “Scream” entry.
Courteney Cox’s reporter, Gale Weathers, arrives in Pine Grove with a digicam and Chad (Mason (*30*)) and Mindy (Jasmin Savoy Brown), brother-and-sister characters from the last two motion pictures who are now her “hot interns.”
The “Scream” franchise ought to’ve been killed off a long time in the past. AP
Unlike the last two flicks, where the previous solid made cameos, “7” treats the youthful characters as completely dispensable mouthpieces for exposition.
As the boring teenagers and cash-checking adults are slayed in routine fashion, our consideration wanders to more thrilling issues, such as TurboTax and spackling paste.
And, when the state of affairs in Pine Grove will get determined, Williamson writes his best and most important line of the complete movie: “This must not continue!”
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