My friend is on his third marriage — should I tell…
DEAR ABBY: My husband’s best friend, “Herb,” (aka “Mr. Cheapo”) is getting married for the third time. He’s planning the marriage and suggesting the attendees pay for their meals. I told my husband that Herb is setting himself up for failure again. (Not to point out he’s having his fiancee signal a prenup as he did with his other two wives.) I’m beside myself just considering about it. Attendees have bills, too, and what will his fiancee suppose when people ship their regrets or don’t carry a present?
I’m prepared to override my husband’s suggestion not to educate this man on marriage ceremony etiquette. Otherwise, Herb’s a tremendous man, very good and well-mannered. I know for a fact that his cheapness destroyed his second marriage and a subsequent relationship. Both girls complained profusely to me about it before storming out. Should I educate Herb? — SEES THE WRITING ON THE WALL
DEAR “SEES”: From what you have got written about Herb, he is not doing what he’s doing out of ignorance. If you want to to be helpful, quietly counsel to his fiancee that when he arms her the prenup doc, she have it reviewed by her own lawyer to keep away from any surprises in the future (or she might hand him one of her own).
DEAR ABBY: I am a 54-year-old mom of two, a spouse and a full-time trainer. My days are long, busy and normally uneventful. Every night, I am anticipated to call my 84-year-old mom, who lives a few states away. I oblige, of course, listening patiently to all of her tales, ranting and gossip.
If, for any purpose, I occur to go to sleep or overlook to call, it’s as if my face shall be plastered on a milk carton. The texts and emails start, as properly as calls and texts to my husband and sometimes even my kids.
Abby, I have tried explaining that this leaves me aggravated and annoyed, only to be dismissed with, “Well guess what X said today?” Or, “Did I tell you what R said to J?” (Yes, you probably did, in fact, twice already). Should I chew my tongue or insist on a better schedule that will hopefully show to be mutually helpful? It’s tough to interact in significant conversations when they’re pressured and largely one-sided. — BURDENED IN NEW YORK
DEAR BURDENED: It is within your energy to curtail the schedule your mom has instituted. However, doing so will require a dialog with her that might not be nice for either of you. Tell her you’ll call her once (or twice) a week, because speaking daily isn’t working for you. Tell her that if she desires to gossip, she should do it with her contemporaries moderately than demand you pay attention on a daily foundation.
Be ready for the fact that she isn’t going to prefer it. If she calls your husband or kids to complain, ask them to please reiterate to her that you might be tremendous, but you might be too busy to discuss, and that she should count on your calls at the agreed-upon time.
P.S. If her reminiscence is defective, she should be evaluated by her doctor.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also identified as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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