Sorry sequel is a migraine of non-stop fights and…
film review
MORTAL KOMBAT II
Running time: 116 minutes. Rated R (strong bloody violence and gore, and language). In theaters.
No phrase terrifies me more than “for the fans,” because in the flicks that tends to imply “awful and incomprehensible.”
And so it does for “Mortal Kombat II,” an onscreen bucket of slop that people will give a cross to because losers cheer whenever a character, such as they’re, is impaled or sliced in half.
The first movie that karate-kicked off director Simon McQuoid’s reboot sequence back in 2021 acquired flack from those basement-dwelling diehards for having scenes with precise speaking and a considerably grounded protagonist who wasn’t from the unique video sport. God forbid.
But I discovered that one a lot more watchable and partaking than horrible “II” because there was at least some attempt at a plot and a enjoyable, adventurous spirit. Training up Cole Young (Lewis Tan) and Kano (Josh Lawson) had an underdog “Rocky” vibe, and there was a shimmery magic to Raiden’s temple.
Now it’s just repetitive kills from bottom-drawer cartoons.
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Obviously gnarly deaths are the main event right here. It’s called “Mortal Kombat” not “Mundane Chitchat.” But “II” is, pardon the expression, overkill; an infinite, mind-numbing, finally boring string of ugly fights against lava-and-gravel green-screen backdrops between cardboard “champions” whose names are frankly inconsequential.
“Mortal Kombat II” brings back the Earthrealm and Outerworld. Warner Bros. Pictures
Yet for journalism’s sake I shall listing some anyway. The underwhelming new main man is Johnny Cage (Karl Urban), a fact that I’m sure will delight those who know who Johnny Cage is. Apparently he is a washed-up motion film star with Liberace hair and a Wolverine voice. He’s summoned to partake in the Mortal Kombat event — “Galaxy Quest” model — during the reign of the evil Shao Kahn (Martyn Ford), which is a peculiar title for a baddie with a working-class British accent.
Some other notable Earthrealmers: Jessica McNamee is a vacant shell as Sonya Blade, who retains getting knocked out during confrontations and waking up in a damsel funk. Australian Josh Lawson returns as Crocodile Dundee Kano, who tiresomely fills silences with witless, filthy jokes. Ludi Lin has always felt most at home as the highly effective Liu Kang, but the function is aimless this time. And Mehcad Brooks’ Jax has robot arms.
They all have powers — or arcanas, to use some of the film’s phonebook of jargon — but 5 years on, it’s onerous for we normals to bear in mind what those have been. In short: fire, lightning, bracelets.
Kitana (Adeline Rudolph) is attempting to avenge the death of her father. Warner Bros. Pictures
Helping the group is Kitana (Adeline Rudolph), a princess who grew to become the property of Shao Kahn after he violently killed her father.
“Kitana, you’re my daughter now,” says Shao like a child just pulled a string hooked up to his back.
Rudolph’s warrior who wields spiky handheld followers is the only partially human thread right here. Fans, brace your self, Kitana has these issues called “emotions.”
About half-hour in, issues turn into fuzzy. There is positively a neon-green amulet that Shao, who is half of the Outworld, needs that probably grants immortality. We can’t have that.
The film is just fixed struggle scenes with unmemorable opponents. Warner Bros. Pictures
The Earthrealmers keep winding up in battles with nondescript opponents, the stakes of which vary from negligible to unknown.
And finally there’s a event. Oh goody, more fights.
Even the gravitas of Hiroyuki Sanada as Scorpion, who seems late in an unattractive “Van Helsing”-like world called the Netherrealm, doesn’t elevate “II” from being a trudge.
All of this banality is put to music by Benjamin Wallfisch, who has composed an earsplitting rating that’s the aural equal of an iron rod hitting your head over and over.
The movie’s rating is earsplitting. Warner Bros. Pictures
Look, there is nothing mistaken with some ass kicking. And some of these clashes are thrilling, significantly those involving Kitana and her equipment. But couldn’t blood and gore come with a sizzling facet of story? Early on Johnny Cage truly blames the downward slide of his movie profession on the superior, suave, sometimes deep Keanu Reeves hitman sequence “John Wick.”
His reference is an apt one. Because for two hours I couldn’t stop pondering, “If only I was at ‘John Wick’!”
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