Dear Abby: My wife is so messy ive threatened…
DEAR ABBY: I’m neat and organized, but my wife is the alternative. She’s messy and disorganized. I knew it before we married, but we made a handshake deal that she’d make an effort to decide up after herself once we moved in together. Unfortunately, it hasn’t occurred.
Every time she comes home, whatever she’s carrying will get dropped on the closest flat floor — keys, baggage, mail, you title it. She piles issues up instead of placing them away and it appears like there’s litter in all places I look. Our mattress is often piled with garments and other objects stacked virtually two ft high.
I discover myself continuously choosing up after her, which is exhausting and makes me really feel like I’m the only one taking care of our home. Her lack of effort is driving me loopy and inflicting me important stress. I’ve tried speaking calmly to her, setting boundaries for clutter-free areas, even threatening divorce out of sheer frustration. Nothing appears to work. I don’t know what else to do.
I really like my wife and don’t need our marriage to disintegrate over this, but the fixed mess is taking a toll on my mental health and our relationship. How can I strategy this in a manner that fosters understanding and cooperation? I need us to discover a answer that works for both of us without making her really feel criticized or attacked. –– MESSED UP
DEAR MESSED UP: Several ideas come to thoughts. You, a man who is “super neat” knew your wife was messy but married her anyway. Short of divorcing her, wouldn’t it be potential for you to designate sure areas of your home that you agree will stay clutter-free? If that isn’t potential, may you do what some other {couples} have performed, which is live aside? Marriage mediation would possibly help your wife perceive the message you might have been making an attempt (and failing) to ship. It’s price a attempt, but lifelong habits are very onerous to break.
DEAR ABBY: Our 24-year-old daughter is getting married in 10 months. My wife is invited to the marriage, but I’m not, and I’m livid. The groom’s household is paying for the journey, but they are saying I’m not invited “for financial reasons.”
I don’t have a great relationship with my daughter. But that isn’t the purpose. I told my wife that if the roles have been reversed and she was excluded, I might not go. This could also be a deal-breaker for me. It’s obvious that our marriage doesn’t imply as a lot to my wife as it does to me. What are your ideas? — ELIMINATED IN TEXAS
DEAR ELIMINATED: What I feel is it’s horrible for your daughter to put her mom on the spot this manner. By doing so she is placing a pressure on your marriage. You and your wife need to ask your doctor for a referral to a licensed marriage and household therapist so you possibly can hash this out before additional harm is performed to your relationship. Do I feel your wife ought to forgo the marriage? What I feel doesn’t matter as a lot as what she does.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also recognized as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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