Dear Abby: My ex-husband wants to reconnect after…
DEAR ABBY: I used to be married for 39 years to “Morris,” an alcoholic and a spendthrift. In 2010, he announced he was having an affair with his boss, and the next day he moved in with and ultimately married her. I used to be left stuffed with anger and resentment, and so had been my two grown boys. Eventually, we realized what a poisonous surroundings it had been and accepted listening to from him only twice a yr or so.
A few months in the past, Morris’ spouse died, and he has been wanting to be “friends” and a “family” again. He has no associates and has been retired more than 10 years. None of us wants to be that concerned again (though he has been in AA for 10 years), but my older son, “Justin,” has begrudgingly turn out to be the recipient of his father’s a number of daily texts and emails.
Morris is lonely and depressed. We have told him to go to counseling, volunteer, take courses, and so forth., and Justin and I’ve tried to set limits. Justin just bought married and wants to share the burden of their dad, but my youthful son hasn’t communicated a lot with Morris. Justin’s spouse doesn’t need Morris to disrupt their lives. Unfortunately, Morris now wants to transfer nearer to them.
This complete mess is inflicting a rift between the boys. Any ideas on how we all can deal with this scenario? — WEARY IN FLORIDA
DEAR WEARY: Tell your sons they don’t seem to be accountable for Morris, who abandoned you all for greener pastures. (Please notice that I didn’t refer to him as their father.) You and your sons usually are not accountable for inflicting the depression Morris is now experiencing. If he wants emotional assist, he can get it at the closest AA assembly. Please don’t enable him to disrupt your lives any additional than he has already. Unless your lately married son disengages with Morris, it might create a critical disruption in his marriage.
DEAR ABBY: My daughter has efficiently divorced her husband on paper. However, he’s still dwelling at her home. They have two lovely kids together, and he has two from a prior marriage who keep with them three nights a week. She feels dangerous that he doesn’t have a place to go. He wants to buy a home, but he spends all his money. We provided a downpayment, but our daughter won’t enable it. How can we encourage her to set a deadline for the ex to transfer out? — HELPING THEM MOVE ON
DEAR HELPING: I’ve a thought. If you need him out of your daughter’s home, invite him to keep with you “until he gets settled.” And while you might be at it, encourage your daughter to focus on the dwelling preparations at present in place with her attorney in case she could also be incurring any financial liabilities by having him continue to live under her roof.
DEAR READERS: Along with the hundreds of thousands of Americans who are observing this Memorial Day, I’m including my prayer of thanks for those brave males and girls who have sacrificed their lives in service to our nation. May they relaxation in peace. — LOVE, ABBY
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also identified as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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