Before the Philly Ball-Thief Karen, There Was the

Sure Philly is thought as the City of Brotherly Love, but most of us realize it as the metropolis that booed Santa. The metropolis that, if it wins a professional sports activities championship, its loyal followers trash the metropolis and burn a half- dozen cop vehicles. Just so I don’t obtain too many death threats from City of Brotherly Love residents, I feel the best mascot in skilled sports activities is the Phillie Phanatic. (The second-place mascot is a distant second. So, we good? ) 

Anyway, before Ball-Swiping, Philly Karen, there was a man named Matthew Clemmens who turned notorious while attending a Philly recreation. Fifteen years in the past, Clemmens was attending a Phillies vs. Nationals recreation at Citizens Bank Park. Matt, it appears, was attending a recreation with his Jersey buds shortly after his twenty first birthday. He wasn’t from Philly. He was from Cherry Hill, New Jersey. It’s about a 30-minute drive from Cherry Hill to the stadium across the Delaware River. I’m sure the boys had a designated driver… 

Anyway, issues had been getting heated in the stands. Michael Vangelo, who occurred to be a police captain, was sitting with his two daughters, one 11 years outdated and the other 15. Behind the Vangelos household was a group of obnoxious followers. Captain Vangelo had had enough and had the obnoxious followers eliminated. Matt Clemmens was not eliminated with the first group. He remained behind Vangelo and his daughters. Matt was loaded for bear and loaded with beer. And he was destined for infamy. Matt determined that the Vangelos household was in the fallacious. Matt leaned in and over, caught his fats fingers down his throat, and projectile vomited all over the Vangelos ladies.  

“There’s absolutely no mistaking that he did it intentionally,” Vangelo said. “It was the most disgusting thing that ever happened in my life. I remember it like it was yesterday.” 

Vangelo said Matt acquired upset after his pals had been thrown out and thought Vangelo was accountable. 

“I hear him say on the cell phone, ‘I have to do what I gotta do.’ I turn around and he has two fingers down his throat to intentionally vomit. I told my kids to run, lifted my hands to deflect the vomit.” 

Fortunately, that afront was even an excessive amount of for Philly followers. Matt acquired jumped by followers and held down until the cops confirmed up. Matt’s face acquired into a struggle with a number of fists. His mugshot turned notorious. Matt was a round-faced, blonde-haired man who clearly acquired the Jersey beat out of him. The mug shot reveals him with a skilled shiner of his left eye. Henceforth, he was identified as “Pukemon.” 

Websites created “player” playing cards with his mugshot on them. You can discover his mugshot right here.  

Matt pled guilty to assault. In exchange the prices of corruption of a minor and reckless endangerment had been dropped. He might have served 5 years in the big home.

A Family Court choose sentenced Matthew Clemmens to 30 to 90 days in jail, two years of probation and 50 hours of neighborhood service at Citizens Bank Park.

He served a month in a local slammer, and said of the expertise that his cellmates had been “nice.”

Matt Clemmens had burnished his Jersey cred with his conviction. I imagined at the time that Clemmens most likely thought his disgusting vomit comet and later conviction was price it. His kin (who weren’t there) claimed that he was “set up” and the cops had crushed poor Matt. He was the sufferer. I might think about Matt and his beer-buds sitting around a BBQ at Cherry Hill, and one of his buds asks him to retell the story of his infamy. Matt would take a swig from his Pabst Blue Ribbon, and retell his best second, one thing like this: 

Ya knowz, we wuz  havin’ a good time, ya knowz? Yeah we wuz drunk ant loud,  but sos what, you knowz? Dis man, he rats out my buds to da popo, and my buds will get tron out of da paak, ya know? Sos I am going bonkas, you knowz,  and I seemed downz at da utta man and his dauttas who ratted us  out and I says, What da faak! Ya awful rats!, I ain’t ganna put up wit yuz rattin’ us out! Here… I gat smutin for yaz! And I caught my fingas down my mouth and cabloooy! all over dem rats! 

Unfortunately, Matt wasn’t around for the five-year reunion with his beer buds. Clemmens acquired a blood infection and died at the age of 25.  

Matt Clemmens wasn’t around for the explosion of social media and its shame-machine. Once somebody pulls what Philly Karen did, it’s going to go viral and live without end.  She gained’t be charged with a crime. But she might be charged with 1st degree Karenism, and will live in infamy.  You have to love “the internets”:

We’ve recognized her! pic.twitter.com/TKDwqZfuxb

— Election Wizard (@ElectionWiz) September 6, 2025

I consider that she won’t be able to keep away from the “look.” Every restaurant, every story, all over the place she goes, she is going to marvel who will acknowledge her, level at her, and say: 

Hey? You’re that jerk Karen… the Ball Thief – proper? That’s you! 

Editor’s Note: At RedState, it isn’t all about politics and coverage. We like to carry consideration to what’s good (or sometimes, off-beat) in the world, with columns like “Feel-Good Friday,” “Start Your Weekend Right,” and “Hoge’s Heroes.”

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