How do I cut off a friend who shows no interest in…
DEAR ABBY: I have a informal acquaintance, “Stacy,” who long in the past moved to a different half of the nation and sends me a message every couple of months. She’s not a friend I would ever suppose to go to or even call on the cellphone, and she apparently feels the same.
Stacy writes that she “wants to keep in touch,” yet her messages comprise nothing more than a greeting adopted by a perfunctory response, like “been busy,” when I ask what she’s been up to.
I used to offer particulars about work, my hobbies, my partner and where I’ve traveled on holidays, without acknowledgment or reciprocation on her half. Now, I no longer trouble offering her any particulars. Frankly, I don’t see this as maintaining in contact at all. Would it’s impolite, after all these years, to stop writing her back? — FLUMMOXED IN FLORIDA
DEAR FLUMMOXED: No, it could not be impolite. It seems Stacy sends out blanket messages in an effort to “keep her contacts warm,” but she isn’t honest enough to show a personal interest in the recipients. You should not required to reply to her messages.
DEAR ABBY: I love my cousin “Carly” like a sister. We come from a large household, and both of us are estranged from our moms (who are sisters) as nicely as our siblings. We’re OK with this because we’ve got no room for poisonous people in our lives.
Recently, Carly has fallen on arduous instances — a bitter divorce and a failed business. She misplaced one son in a horrible accident and the other to medicine and alcohol. Her daughter has sided with her dad and not often speaks to Carly. When she does contact her mother, she is unkind and impolite. I suppose that since Carly no longer has money to spend on her, the lady is kicking her mother while she’s down.
Carly is heartbroken, depressed and struggling with the “why me?” of all of this. If I had the funds, I’d help her with whatever she needed to deal with her legal woes, but these are powerful instances for everybody. I attempt to verify in on her daily via textual content (we live in separate cities) and give her methods to deal with her failing business and all the clean-up — financial and emotional — that comes with letting go of her dream of proudly owning her own store.
I fear about Carly because she has no one other than me. All the fair-weather buddies who hung around her business are gone, and her children and grandkids have floated away. What advice can I give her? — LOVING COUSIN IN NEW MEXICO
DEAR COUSIN: From what you may have written, you may have given Carly about as a lot emotional help as you may. If you may handle to schedule some in-person, one-on-one time with Carly, it would carry her spirits. However, there could also be one more factor you may give: Hope. Remind your cousin that when one door closes, another could open, and when it does, she can be ready to apply all the teachings she has realized so far.
As to “why me?” — setbacks occur to everybody at one time or another. The trick is to be taught from our errors so we don’t repeat them.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also identified as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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