My daughter overheard me complaining about her…
DEAR ABBY: We had been recorded on video and audio on our daughter’s porch, pondering we had been speaking to one another privately.
We had been discussing how damage we had been that she didn’t wish to spend time with us on our fiftieth marriage ceremony anniversary, shortly after she and her husband moved out of state.
They may simply have pushed to a new RV park close to our home. Her aunt tried to speak with her about seeing members of the family and being with us, however she refused.
We have supported our daughter regardless of all of the errors she has made. She was offended that we had no good ideas relating to her new life in one other state and confronted me about my negativity, which was caught on digital camera.
I’ve apologized to no avail about my negativity, however I used to be indignant and damage. My husband believes she must be the one to forgive and neglect.
It’s been two years of sending Christmas and birthday playing cards with no acknowledgement. What to do? — BUSTED IN GEORGIA
DEAR BUSTED: I agree along with your husband. Remember the adage, “The best defense is a good offense”? (It is also called the strategic offensive precept of conflict.)
Your daughter is aware of she was improper to not come to your anniversary celebration, and she or he additionally is aware of how upset you had been about it as a result of she has seen it on her doorbell digital camera.
However, she doesn’t wish to admit she was improper and apologize. What you must do now’s proceed sending vacation playing cards to let her know the ball is in her court docket, and hope that, with time, she is going to grow up.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I’ve recognized one another for 36 years and been married for 20. He has a extreme consuming downside.
He nonetheless works and doesn’t drink during the workweek, however he makes up for it in spades on weekends. We each stopped consuming alcohol 15 years in the past. I by no means began again, however he did, and now he can’t stop.
He is simply too proud to hunt skilled help. He’s an engineer and thinks he can give up on his own, however he’s solely fooling himself.
My downside is that he retires quickly, and I’m afraid he will likely be drunk all of the time. To me, it’s a deal-breaker.
We are each in our 70s. I retired 15 years in the past. If I depart him, I’ve nowhere to go, with solely SSA to help myself. Any advice you will have is welcome as a result of I’m at my wits’ finish with the entire thing. — FLOUNDERING IN UTAH
DEAR FLOUNDERING: Because you didn’t point out Al-Anon, the 12-step program that helps mates and households affected by a liked one’s consuming, I’ll assume you will have by no means attended any of their conferences.
Go online to al-anon.org/data and discover out whether or not there are conferences close to you. (You could also be shocked to find there are various.)
If you attend conferences, you will see others who’re experiencing issues much like yours and be taught coping strategies. You may even discover a roommate for those who select to maneuver out. Please don’t wait to begin.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also called Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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